Memories...

"No matter how old we are, losing parents are one of the deepest sorrows a heart can know, but their goodness, their caring and wisdom live on..... like a legacy of love that will always be with you."

This afternoon, I had the urge to arrange the magazines that was piled up on top of my dresser. I was thinking of whether to throw the old magazines away or to just put it there to where it was, when suddenly, I noticed this white bond paper... A paper which has something written on it. It was the story that my younger sis wrote 3 years ago. It was about my family way back 4 years ago. While reading the story, I felt sadness and emptiness in my heart. The pain of losing my father and mother has struck-ed me again. I missed them and am always thinking of them. Indeed, losing a parent is something that everyone dreads. But only those who have experienced the loss of a parent can truly comprehend the enormity of the loss. Since it's mother's day today, I wanna share the story to all of you... Read on.


POIGNANT

Surpass yourself - no matter how good life, it is always be better. No matter how far you've come, there's always room for growth. No matter what you know, there's always something to learn.

I saw that qoutes on Broadcharts novel entitled "The Silver Wolf" a year ago and it took me only a day to realize that this belief is suddenly flowing into my body. It started as a day not different from all the others I'd live for 16 years. I...... I remember my old days...

I was born on a twilight evening as cold winds witness my first day on earth. I grew up with my family who gave me the real meaning of true love and care. I was happy then, because we have everything together. My father with his good work abroad, my mother and my three sisters and younger brother. But... horrible days come--and then vanish into thin air.

It started that day when I was very happy knowing that my Papa had just arrived home from Saudi. It was summer days of May and he promised to spend his summer with us and take me to our province's famous Moriones Festival on our town.

It had been a while since I had last seen him. He was busy with his work in Saudi so I hardly spend time with him anymore. I was really glad with my father. I told my friends about that as we play, ignoring the arrival of defiance on my child life. I giggle as I and my playmates jump and laugh every time. I run as they come to reach me. What a nice day is that!!

When time came for me to go home, a smile appear on my thin and innocent lips. "I'll see Papa," I thought. But they're not in there. I just saw Tia Tina when I arrived smiling mournfully over me... "Where is Papa?" I asked her "And Mama?" "They're not here," she answered while holding my cheeks. "Why? Did they gone for something? Papa promise me to take me to town tomorrow to watch Cenaculo, and my Ate, where are they also?" wild quandary existed on my eyes when my Tia tried to give me some food and put me up for ensconce instead...She didn't answer my questions. "Just sleep tight sweetie and tomorrow, you will see them."...That words made me smile again...I close my eyes...

A surreptitious night was over when I opened my eyes. I raise my pudgy hands on my mama's arm and she turn to me with a mournfully and teary eyes. She tried to smile. I smiled to... I think of what and everything that will happen when my papa arrive and knew that it will become a nice day over all. I eat fastly and excitedly my breakfast. Suddenly, I hear a loud noise outside. I rush to the window and saw a crowd of people. The others walking toward my mama while the others holding up a very big white box. So I flounced to see it, only to show up my disorderly reaction. My mama yanked my arms but I have seen what was inside it... my Papa... I can't understand anything... I just thought of my papa sleeping eerie on that big box. Is it good to be there? I asked myself but hoping still for his promise. But why the lights, the people, the noise and the weird event on the church... Father Marticio, and my Mama... the people around me is crying... And I knew not what that's mean.

It took me for about three years to understand that situation. I really understand everything and its every detail. I knew that my father was gone and will never be with us again. My elder sister had stopped her study in college to work in Cavite, and she was luckily employed on a Korean Company. And then, she continued her studies as a working student. 2 years after that, my second big sister also went there for work. She was 18 then, They support my mom to send us to school. At least to graduate high school. I thought everything is settled then. But I was wrong. I was second year high school when my grandmother died. A thousand words, a thousand emotions passed on me unspoken. In my eyes, I could almost feel all the pain, the desperation, and the regret when we found out that my third big sister have gotten my father's disease. It's call Hypochalemic Periodic Paralysis. At least one month is over when she get well and that made me a good sigh. I tried to wish for a happy life but I was wrong again. It was September 2005 and I was a third year high school student of Marinduque National High School (MNHS)...

"Ma, what are you doing there?" I asked my mama as I noticed her sitting beside our house door. It was noon time and I had just arrived from school. She turned to me "Nothing, don't mind me, I just skip meals lately and a stomach ache had gotten over me,: she said smiling. I just thought it's just a normal stomach ache so I ignore it, besides I always see my mother smiling so I persuade myself that it's normal. Month of April when my Ate Liza texted me. She told me that she wants me to transfer there in Cavite, I didn't insisted. Instead, I thought of it as a nice decision. So that's it... I led myself through seemingly unending ways. I left my mom with my third big sister and younger brother, knowing that everything's fine. But life is really an ale inside a man's esophagus... "Ate, you're cellphone is ringing." I told my Ate Anabelle irritatedly. I was half awake and half asleep that time of June 4, 2006. But I wake up hurriedly when I heard my sister crying. "Ate, what's the matter?" I asked her. "Did something happen?"
Silence..... I took her cellphone and read that strange message who made my sister cry. "No," I said in a shocked whisper. "What happened??" My voice was shaking and tears were streaming down my cheeks. Now, I know why mama suffer with her stomach ache. My sister's shoulder were trembling violently. She put her arms around me. "How could this be?" I asked her. "I thought everything's fine, everything's alright." We stayed holding each other for a moment comforting each other. When we let go, I don't know what to do, I just tried to be calm and closed my eyes...

That was 4 years ago, a day after my mama died. We went back to Marinduque and settled everything. She died because of gastric cancer. And she was buried beside my papa and lola's tomb. After the burial, we all moved back to Cavite... I knew it was a bitter memory ever...
A poignant existence my heart can never forget...